It Rained Today...

My creativity is on the blink today so I went for a factual, un-funny comment. Hope you don't mind.

So Summer has begun, I have finished my time at uni and I have moved back home to Barry. Boo. I don't really like the summer, I hate feeling hot and while the Welsh summer is typically grey and rainy there is the odd day or two when the sun decides to fry me alive. If I wanted a nice summer I would go on holiday or move away, I don't expect to have it in Wales! I am very sad that uni is over as it means for the first time in my life I am no longer a part of the education system and I have to grow up and get a job (NOOOOOO!) not the the job hunting is at all fruitful... As for living in Barry, I really, really, really miss Aberystwyth; the place itself and the people there and the fact that you could use Welsh anywhere and there'd be someone who could understand you! Though there are benefits to Barry, I do have family and friends (to any of you reading this - love you!!) and I suppose being 20 minutes from Cardiff is much better than being about 2 hours from anything.

I haven't posted much lately simply because without uni or a job or anything my life has become rather dull and there is nothing worth posting really. I need to start thinking about a way of making this blog more interesting but don't panic! I'll still post about my boring life and continue to share the music that I love because, frankly, you should all be listening to it! No Eurovision posts though (is that a cheer I hear?!) as that's over until May next year so there's no point bothering with that.

So yeah, no controversy, no humorous stories or anything, nothing to rant about. This is a new one for me, folks. If anything does happen though I'll be sure to let you know!

Quick reminder of some me-related links: Facebook, Twitter

Until next time Nottmares!
Liam    

Less Revise-ie, More Speak-ie

Hello Nottmares (GaGa has her 'monsters' and Minaj has her 'barbz' so I thought I'd have 'Nottmares', let's see if it catches on)! I am fresh from finishing my Welsh oral exam which went OK, I think. I have a problem talking in general, in any language, so I think that this exam was always gonna be a challenge but the examiners led me to believe that it went OK, so phew! I had half an hour to read a random article (in Welsh) - mine was about technological advancements and how they affect language - and I then had 15 minutes to discuss that article with three lecturers. I feel that I was incredibly luckily to essentially just talk about Facebook when other people I know had topics such as the current droughts in England and sustainable farming in the 3rd World. With that exam out of the way, that leaves me with 3 exams to go, starting next Thursday.


A few posts ago I wrote about an event that I would be attending, namely Dawns Fai (May Ball), but as it transpires I am no longer going. As you might have guessed from the aforementioned post, I was never really up for it after the very disappointing line up was announced but I was concerned about other things as well such as my motion sickness (it is honestly really bad) which would only be fuelled by alcohol and my foot which has recently been in agony and I don't know why, though finally after about a week it's stopped hurting so much. Anyway, I've sold my ticket so it's not like I've paid £40 to not go somewhere and I think I will regret not going for the experience but I'm definitely not going to regret missing the 'big name' acts. That still makes me scoff. 


Unfortunately I have become an emotional wreck at a very inconvenient time. Sometimes I get upset for no apparent reason and other times I get upset about my feelings for someone, which has always been a major inconvenience really. I'm on a bit of a moody roller-coaster; last night I was a bit of a mess (emotionally) yet now I'm not feeling too bad - though I put that down to post-exam high. Hopefully, I will stop being so pathetic and emotionally-retarded soon so I can focus on my revision for the upcoming exams like a good student. 


To end on a happier note, Eurovision is coming!!! I got my official album last Saturday and I immediately imported it to iTunes and synced it to my iPod, though that did mean erasing my play counts... The Grand Final will be held in 17 days and the past couple of days I've had people talking about the party I have planned which fuels my childlike excitement for the contest. I get so much more excited for Eurovision than I do for my own birthday and even Christmas. No joke. I have even ordered glow sticks for this wonderful occasion.

Oh, I also, finally, got a haircut. Just thought I'd let you know. Been putting that off for a while...


I will try and post as often as I can, but May is a busy month for me, so please do forgive me if I scarcely post - I haven't forgotten about you! x       

Mai 2012

I can't believe that it's May already - my final full month in lovely Aberystwyth. Though this thought is rather saddening, May is setting itself up to be a very busy month with some things to 'get out of the way' and other things to look forward to. This is also really the last time I can make a list of things that are definitely happening as I have no idea about what I'm gonna do post-uni - scary times! Anyways, if you fancy stalking me you can easily find me using these details...

• Wednesday 9 May:
  > Welsh oral exam
• Friday 11 May:
  > Dawns Fai
• Wednesday 16 May:
  > Cold War exam 
• Saturday 19 May:
  > Gloywi Iaith exam
• Tuesday 22 May:
  > 1st Eurovision semi-final
• Thursday 24 May:
  > British/Irish Politics exam (last exam!)
  > 2nd Eurovision semi-final
• Saturday 26 May:
  > Eurovision 2012 Final (party!)
• Saturday 9 June:
  > Moving back to Barry
• Thursday 12 July:
  > Graduation

Those are my final DEFINITE plans until I figure out what I'm gonna do after uni/graduation.
The exams are the 'get out of the way' things on my list whereas as Dawns Fai, Eurovision and Graduation are most definitely things to look forward to.
Also, can I just say: who the hell puts a Welsh grammar exam (Gloywi Iaith) on a Saturday?! Not only is Saturday a terrible time for an exam, it's at 2pm - TWO PM - how ridiculous! Revising/exam-sitting until 4pm on a Saturday is rage-inducing but I think I hide it fairly well...

I shall also use this post, if I may, to warn readers that from now until the end of May (and possibly beyond), there will be a LOT of posts about Eurovision 2012. I can't help it, I'm addicted, and perhaps I should get help but I don't want to. Eurovision lover and proud!! 

For everyone else who is/will be sitting exams in the next couple of months or so - pob lwc! (good luck!) - and for everyone else have a fantastic, exam-free month and, if you're looking for something to do, watch Eurovision. It'll be amazing, I promise!
Have a great May x

Parti Eurovision 2012: The Playlist

That's right, another Eurovision-based post, this time I'm just sharing my Eurovision party playlist. Wtih just over a month to go until the contest kicks off, it is VERY important (for me at least) to start thinking about how to top last year's party and where better to start than with the pre/post-contest music? Feel free to take ideas from this year's playlist or last year's  for your own party, also, feel free to tell me if I'm missing any essentials or have a go at me for including some Eurovision songs you'd rather forget.


The party this year will be on May 26th, the same night as the live final, and is very conveniently two days after my final, final-year exam so I don't have to feel guilty for not revising (as if I would anyway)!


This year's playlist is 48 tracks long, I have somehow managed to more than double the length of my 2011 playlist! The playlist does not include 2012 entries, save those for the show! The worst thing is that this playlist is only gonna get longer every year as I add songs from the previous contest... 


Parti Eurovision 2012 playlist:
1. A Friend in London - New Tomorrow [Denmark, 2011]
2. ABBA - Waterloo [Sweden, 1974]
3. Alex Sings Oscar Swings - Miss Kiss Kiss Bang [Germany, 2009]
4. Alexander Rybak - Fairytale [Norway, 2009]
5. Ani Lorak - Shady Lady [Ukraine, 2008]
6. AySel & Arash - Always [Azerbaijan, 2009]
7. Blue - I Can [UK, 2011]
8. Bucks Fizz - Making Your Mind Up [UK, 1998]
9. Daz Sampson - Teenage Life [UK, 2006]
10. Dmitry Koldun - Work Your Magic [Belarus, 2007]
11. Eldrine - One More Day [Georgia, 2011]
12. Elena - The Balkan Girls [Romania, 2009]
13. Ell & Nicki - Running Scared [Azerbaijan, 2011]
14. Eric Saade - Popular [Sweden, 2011]
15. Euroband - This is My Life [Iceland, 2008]
16. Getter Jaani - Rockerfeller Street [Estonia, 2011]
17. Gina G - Ooh Aah Just a Little Bit [UK, 1996]
18. Hadise - Düm Tek Tek [Turkey, 2009]
19. Helena Paparizou - My Number One [Greece, 2005]
20. Javine - Touch My Fire [UK, 2005]
21. Jedward - Lipstick [Ireland, 2011]
22. Jessy Matador - Allez! Ola! Olé! [France, 2010]
23. Juliana Pasha - It's All About You [Albania, 2010]
24. Kalomira - Secret Combination [Greece, 2008]
25. Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? [Hungary, 2011]
26. Katrina & The Waves - Love Shine a Light [UK, 1997]
27. Kenan Dogulu - Shake It Up Shekerim [Turkey, 2007]
28. Lena - Satellite [Germany, 2010]
29. Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah [Finland, 2006]
30. MaNga - We Could Be the Same [Turkey, 2010]
31. Marija Šerifović - Molitva [Serbia, 2007]
32. Milan Stanković - Ovo je Balkan [Serbia, 2010]
33. Nelly Ciobnu - Hora din Moldova [Moldova, 2009]
34. Paula Seling ft. Ovi - Playing With Fire [Romania, 2010]
35. Pirates of the Sea - Wolves of the Sea [Latvia, 2008]
36. Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love [Italy, 2011]
37. Rodolfo Chikilicuatre - Baila el Chiki-chiki [Spain, 2008]
38. Ruslana - Wild Dances [Ukraine, 2004]
39. Safura - Drip Drop [Azerbaijan, 2010]
40. Sakis Rouvas - This is Our Night [Greece, 2009]
41. Scooch - We're Flying the Flag (For You) [UK, 2007]
42. Sébastien Tellier - Divine [France, 2008]
43. Sieneke - Ik Ben Verliefd (Sha-la-lie) [Netherlands, 2010]
44. SunStroke Project & Olia Tira - Run Away [Moldova, 2010]
45. Svetlana Loboda - Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl) [Ukraine, 2009]
46. Teräsbetoni - Missä miehet ratsastaa [Finland, 2008]
47. Verka Serduchka - Dancing Lasha Tumbai [Ukraine, 2007]
48. Zdob şi Zdub - So Lucky [Moldova, 2011]


Phew! And now for a bit of trivia...

• 10 of these are winning entries (2, 4, 8, 13, 19, 26, 28, 29, 31 & 38)
• Amazingly there are more UK entries than any other, there are 7. The next highest is Ukraine & Moldova with 4.
• Most of the songs come from last year's contest - 2011 - then 2010 (9), 2009 (8) and 2008 (7); proof that Eurovision gets better every year?! 
• Only 4 of these songs are pre-2000: 3 winners & 3 UK entries (2/3 winners there)
• Song 43 (Sieneke - Ik Ben Verliefd (Sha-la-lie)) is the only song in the list to have not actually been in the Eurovision final but it's a fun song so I thought best not to leave it out!

Any thoughts on this year's playlist? Do let me know!


For European readers, ESC 2012 will take place on the 22nd (1st semi-fianl), 24th (2nd semi-final) and 26th (the final) May.
For non-European readers, the final and the semi-finals will be broadcast live on the Eurovision website - don't miss it!!  x

Pasg (again)

Easter holidays again already? Madness. What's also mad is the lack of recent posts. Been a bit distracted lately - tut tut. Anyways, the Easter holidays have returned and this time I am spending the hols in Aberystwyth. Why? Well I've never been the biggest fan of Barry, the chav capital of Wales, but having said that I still have some good friends and family there who I will no doubt get a chance to see once uni has come to an end anyway and, speaking of uni, I thought staying might make me more productive as I have two essays to write by the end of the holidays but I have done very little - no work as of yet. Silly, silly me. There are currently 4 of us still here (including me, and that's out of 9) so I've no reason to get lonely or overly bored, besides, I like the quiet and surprisingly ghost-like town of student-less Aber.


So if I've not been working, what have I been up to? Well I have been trying (and failing) to deal with some of the emotional nonsense that I've alluded to in previous posts but I don't want to go into details as the blog has been depressing enough recently! Dealing/not dealing with that kinda stuff has taken up a fair chunk of time but I have otherwise been working on my creative writing. I have 2 story ideas, for one I've pretty much finished planning and have written the first chapter and for the other I've done some more planning after having left it alone for about a year. They are both, of course, in Welsh and giving the plots away would be silly but I will divulge the titles I've given them (please feel free to be critical if you fancy it): 'Glaw Galarus' ('Mournful Rain') and 'Effro' ('Awake'). The stories are not connected so one's not the follow up of the other or anything. The hope is to have finished planning them both and to have written one by September/October and try my luck with publishers like Y Lolfa & Academi.

To finish, I will share with you what I believe to be the greatest song of 2012 - I cannot stop listening to it and despite the fact it was only released last month it has already soared its way to number 3 of my top 25 on iTunes and I doubt its long until it takes second place. Anyway, here is Loreen with "Euphoria":

Sorry for the boring post, I will try to make the next one much more interesting! I suppose this was just to show that I've not forgotten about Nóttmare and I think I'm getting better at this Twitter malarkey so do feel free to follow me.
Diolch am ddarllen!
Liam

Inane Stupidity

More depressing news from me I'm afraid, I don't seem to post any happy stuff on this blog, sorry about that. I've put off posting for a bit because I've been plagued with one problem and I didn't really wanna post about it, thinking it would go away but it hasn't. I'm hoping that by getting this out there I will miraculously relieved of this ever increasing burden I'm feeling. If you don't fancy being depressed/bored out of your skull, look away now. 


In a previous post I mentioned another inconvenient infatuation, an annoying reality for a lot of us I imagine but when you're a gay guy falling for a straight guy, there are, obviously, major problems at play. I've only really noticed my infatuation for this guy late last month (January) so it's a fairly recent thing and I will hopefully get over it very soon. But you know what it's like when you like someone, you think about them all the time, you'll try and spend as much time as possible with them and, failing that, texting or facebook are used a lot - already doing these. A lot. 


So, problem number 1 is how your object of your affection perceives you, because that will undoubtedly effect everything; the way you act, talk, think, everything. I didn't tell the guy how I felt at first, that in itself has a minefield of issues, the main one being how will they react? But as I've said, I did eventually tell him and he was fine with it and has not treated me any differently which I do think is a good thing because, regardless of everything else or how I'm feeling, we're friends and I wouldn't want that to change. At the moment nothing has really changed s there isn't much of a problem there but with the texting and time spent with him I am in constant fear of changing that which would really upset me.


Problem number 2 is me. The way I act and talk with/around him is under constant scrutiny - by myself. If I do this, say that, send this, blah, blah, blah, how will he react and will it cause a problem friend-wise? This kind of thinking leads to over-thinking immensely to the point where I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep because I think about stuff before bed and when I wake up in the morning which creates a kind of perpetual hell. I've been through this before and I have learned some lessons but the fact that it can effect me so much and make a good day turn bad (today for example), or a bad day turn worse and the fact that it can really upset me and make me feel a bit depressed annoys me and I just get angry with myself.


Ultimately, what I want is to stop having feelings for this guy and to just carry on as normal, as friends but neither my stupid head nor heart will allow that, for now at least. It's things like this that make me have really negative views of love, it's something that can take over and it's something so far out of your control that you have no hope of sorting it out properly yourself. It also really angers me because in the past, as well as now, it has created problems between myself and friends and puts me in a constant state of paranoia because the last thing I want to do is scare away my friends.


Anyway, that's more than enough of that and I'm sorry for going on about it in the first place. Just needed a chance to rant it out, it could have been worse, this could have been a Valentine's day post - how depressing would that be? 
Thanks for reading,
Liam x

Writers Block

You know there are people who define themselves as 'academic' or 'creative'? If you're academic you're into things like history, politics, maths, etc whereas creative people or more into art, music, media, etc - totally generalising and stereotyping here so forgive me for my rudeness! If I had to put myself into one category I would probably lump for academic because I am much more into my politics and history than art or music but one thing I do love is creative writing. Followers of the blog will probably already know that one of my current uni courses is Ysgrifennu Creadigol - creative writing. In Welsh.

My course is assessed by the submittal of a portfolio (worth 100%) of about 50-80 pages, I am currently at about 25 and the deadline is March 1st. Uh-oh. You might be thinking to yourself that I have nearly a whole month to go yet, as that it is what I was thinking at first, but I have to allow time for work to be looked over and allow time for my work to be bound professionally not to mention that being creative takes time, for me at least. I am essentially using this post to moan about my uni work. It's like procrastination but I'm getting something done! 

Welsh is not my first language. Although I have no problems speaking Welsh informally and have been taught through the medium of Welsh for almost 3 years that doesn't change the fact that I still naturally think in English and that I find it easier to be creative in English and I have, in fact, been told by a lecturer, after having read one of my short stories, that I need to think in Welsh when planning/writing my story. Much easier said than done. Welsh is also painfully different to English (though I think English looks like a funny language after having studied Welsh for so long) and so a lot of extra work is necessary to write in the language effectively. Purely just to get my camera out, I have taken a picture of the things I require when writing creatively in Welsh:

We have (going clockwise, starting with the green book):

• A Dictionary of Welsh and English Idiomatic Phrases - a rather important dictionary for idioms or sayings, for example we don't say 'raining cats and dogs' in Welsh, we say 'bwrw hen wragedd a ffyn' which translates as 'raining old women and sticks'
• Y Thesawrws Cymraeg (The Welsh Thesaurus) - useful for creative writing
• My black book, it has all my poetry and story ideas and is, of course, private!
• Sweeties - can't write without some sweets!
• Welsh dictionary - there are some words I just don't know!
• Y Treigladur (The Mutation Dictionary) - I won't explain Welsh mutations as it would probably take a post of its own. I'm fairly confident with my mutations but just I keep it nearby just in case.
• Yr Odliadur (The Rhyming Dictionary) - I am terrible at making poems that rhyme in any language, it's too strict a poem for me but I have it just in case I fancy it
• Pa Arddodiad? (Which Preposition?) - Lots of Welsh verbs come with specific prepositions so if I don't know the particular preposition I can look it up
• You might also have noticed the apple, I'm eating loads at the moment and in the corner is Mwmi, a cushion/teddy thing which has nothing to do with creative writing

I find that all these books hamper creativity a bit and besides all that I am known for my lazy attitude towards work and as you can see, there is a lot of effort involved. 

Anyways, I had better get on with my writing (sigh) but thank you for taking the time to indulge me in my self-pitying moment of procrastination. Diolch!

Liam x

My Higgledy-Piggledy Week

Well it has been over as week since my last post (surprised?) so feel free to mutter something under your breath if it takes your fancy. Done? Good - moving on...


I'll start with exam-based news, I had 3 exams, Modern Welsh Poetry, Russian Politics & Welsh Language Development. Russian Politics came first and I am not at all sure how that went, I'm feeling quietly optimistic about it especially as I did well in the essay for that course. Next was Welsh Language Development, I put so much work into that exam and the essay and project that went with it so if it doesn't turn out great I probably will be devastated but apart from getting lost and turning up a teeny bit late to the exam, I feel it went really well - a good sign? Will have to wait and see... And finally we come to Modern Welsh Poetry. Hopeless, I found it really difficult to revise for so I essentially wasted time that would have been better spent revising. Following the exam I thought that I'd fail for sure but after seeing my essay result (a 1st - total shocker) I'm hoping that I'll at least scrape a pass - that's really all I want from that module!


So life in general, from the Saturday after my last exam right up until today really I've had a hard time of things. I felt really low and over thought pretty much everything which causes problems not just for me but for those around me. I cannot have been a great person to be around the past few days. The low point of this mini spell of depression has to be convincing myself that I've fallen out with one of my best friends which was, of course, total nonsense. Thankfully, after hours and hours of talking to people, sometimes from evenings till 4-8 o'clock in the morning - I'm a really inconvenient depressive - I'm feeling much better today, yay! Unfortunately, despite lessons from my past, I have inconveniently 'fallen' for someone I shouldn't BUT it's all out in the open, he took it well and I don't see it becoming a problem. Phew.


I am mainly keeping myself busy with Creative Writing at the moment because my portfolio is due in March, really need to get a move on with that. I do enjoy writing creatively but I haven't managed to get much done in the last couple of weeks what with revision, exams and sad times. All of my modules will begin/continue next week - Welsh Grammar, Britain & Ireland in Peace & War & The Cold War. A nice and fairly easy final semester I think which is handy pre-graduation. The next few weeks will definitely be work-ridden (sad face) buuuuuut I'm having a generally good time at the moment and my outlook is fairly positive - more yays! 


Hope your 2nd month of 2012 is going better than mine so far! 
Liam x  


PS - how fantastic a word is 'higgledy-piggledy'? Love it!

2012: Exam Season

So I've already fallen short of my 'once a week update' promise but I guess you already knew that that would happen, right? Sowy! Anyways, it is 2012, despite what my writing hand thinks, and I am back Aberlandia, the Abersphere - Aberystwyth and I was so glad that my room was nice and tidy on my return. I had worried it would be messy because the day I left I was much more focused on throwing up and recovering from what is known as a 'hangover'. Rough. 


I have realised that my once a week update might be slightly difficult as I am currently in exam season and so most of my time is taken up with revision (yay...). I had my first exam yesterday (Jan 18) - Russian Politics. It went all right, I think. The course is very good, it's so interesting and only really heightened my strange interest in all things Russian but the exam was an exam, there is no fun to be had in exams no matter what it's subject may be. My revision mainly consisted of drawing up brainstorms, I call them brainstorms because that is what they are and I really don't see the need in re-naming them 'mind maps', surely a mind map would be much too complex to draw up? Here are my revision efforts for you all to see:

7/14 of my brainstorms

A closer look at 1 of my brainstorms, "Khruschev's legacy" 

Just two more exams to go now, Development of the Welsh Language and Modern Welsh Poetry neither of which I am looking forward and have only really just started revising for. They are both rather difficult subjects in all honesty and I now have to effectively change language as Russian Politics was done through English, gonna have a Welsh fortnight I think! 


Hope the beginnings of 2012 are going well for the rest of you and I WILL update the blog next week after my Welsh exams - that's a promise!
Liam x

Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda!

Cannot believe that I haven't posted anything since August! In my defence, I have been rather busy starting my final year of University and whatnot! Also, not much has really been happening with me which is a pleasant change really, of course there's drama all around me but I'm not at the centre of things - how times change!!


So, for the sake of catching up, let's start with September. I moved back to Aber (following the summer holidays) late September into Cwrt Mawr halls of residence - and maybe this is because I'm Welsh but it does perplex me hearing others struggle to pronounce an easy bit of Welsh. It's a nice flat really, on the ground floor for the 3rd year in a row, good for moving in but my window looks right out onto a car park and cars pretty much park in my window - annoying! But I've gotten used to it, begrudgingly. We are directly across from the University's Cwrt Mawr Bar, convenient unless you're not going out in which case you have to put up with a bit of noise but, again, it's not really all that bad. 9 single bedrooms, 2 toilets, 2 showers and 1 fairly large kitchen in all, not too shabby! After a couple of months of people coming in and out we now have a full flat, 8 3rd years and 1 first year (bless him) and it also seems that the flat is generally pro-Welsh (language) which is always a bonus. 4 of us speak the lingo, 3 people are learning the lingo and 2 Englishmen. Everyone gets on which is marvellous and with only a few minor fall outs amongst various people the flat looks set to remain murder free for the whole year!


Very briefly, all my subjects are going well (touch wood), no firsts this semester - a couple of marks of a first in my Russian politics module *sob* - but I'm not about to complain about 2:1s! I have 3 exams this semester, Russian politics, development of the Welsh language and Welsh poetry since 1979 and I have already had my Russian exams which I think very well. Russian is such a difficult language!! But I really do enjoy it and I think I'm slightly ahead of some of the others which is always good for the ego!


It's been a merry Christmas in Barry, I essentially got a load of clothes for Christmas and will no doubt acquire some more clothes in the January sales. I do love a bit of clothes shopping. 


New Year's is around the corner! My resolution to this blog is to post regularly! I've said it before, I know but starting in January I WILL post at least once a week - feel free to chastise me if this doesn't happen.


Hope you all had a great Christmas and I hope that you all have the willpower to stick to your resolutions - I know I'm gonna need a hell of a lot of willpower!
Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda! - Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Diolch am ddarllen,
Liam x

The Single Life...

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about 'singledom'. There are so many people out there talking about the benefits of it and films showing the benefits (sometimes literally...) and, if I'm totally honest, I am content being single, borderline happy. 


There is one major obstacle to my happy singledom however and that is practically everyone around me. That's right, the "it's not me, it's YOU" defence, it's simply not my fault. In Barry (where I am spending my summer) many of the people around me are in a relationship and so, of course, have less time for me. Frustrating! Yes, yes, this does appear to be jealousy but is it really? Am I jealous that my friends' attentions are elsewhere or am I mourning time lost with said friends because of their relationships? No matter which way you look at it, it is envy. Though interestingly I'm not totally envious that they're in relationships (we'll come back to this later). I'm envious that my friends' partners have been highly prioritised - and rightly so, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel left out! This problem also spreads to Aberystwyth, my uni town, where people there are also in relationships and this forces me to reflect.


Why am I so alone? That might be one of the questions I ask myself, but I shan't - utterly pointless question, I still have friends and family and blah, blah, blah so I'm not entitled to feel lonely but because everyone around me is happy with a 'significant other' I can't help but put my childish attitude first. Where's my significant other?! He's got one, I want one tooooooo! And then throw the mother of all tantrums which probably answers the leading question...


I hope that this post has not come across as me being mope-y, that isn't the case! I am merely ranting. It's healthy to rant, well that's the excuse I'm using anyway. 


Don't be afraid to comment people, it's nice to hear from you!
Diolch am ddarllen,
Liam x

It's all coming together...

Life, at the moment, is most definitely on the up! This summer is turning out to be a good one as it seems that things are starting to work out for me. My new found happiness began with the publication of my second year Uni results. I was dreading them and was sure that I would have to do at least one resit. One of my second year modules International Political Theory Today was extremely difficult, I'm not really into the theoretical side of International politics, too many names and dates and schools and theories, I just hated it! Come revision time I put this module off almost completely as I had no idea what to do and only two days before the exam did I realise that I had a book that explained everything there is to this module so I crammed. To cut a long story short I had a panic attack and so though it safe to assume that I had failed this module. Amazingly I managed to score 65 - a 2:1 - a great result, so pleased! 


In my other politics module, Wales & Devolution, I got 67 - also a 2:1 - slightly disappointed that I didn't get a 1st in that. For my Welsh modules, Cymraeg Llyfr a Chymraeg Llafar (written and spoken Welsh) and Llên Gwerin (folklore) I scored less than 60 in both which, for me, is rather disappointing but I am still extremely pleased that I have passed my second year - just one to go!! Already looking forward to my final year as I have some exciting modules lined up such as Russian Politics, The Politics of Britain & Ireland and Ysgrifennu Creadigol (creative writing).


Speaking of creative writing I have some work to do concerning publishers but I can't go too much into it - don't wanna spoil anything in case it doesn't happen!


Another reason for my new happiness is something that has bothered me for about six years. The long version of this story can be read in the First Love series on my blog. The short version is that I've had feelings for a friend of mine for a very long time, pretty much since I came to terms with my sexuality. I think the feelings have been worked out and we are still very good friends which is the most important thing and I am so happy to finally be over all this, as I'm sure he is too!


Lastly (I realise this post is of near essay proportions!) I have not experienced any form of down-ness or depression since revising for my exams back in April/May. Good times! :)


Hope all is well with you, my fabulous readers! Do let me know how you're doing!
Diolch am ddarllen,
Liam x  

Tidy-up!

I rather foolishly brought all of my DVDs, blu-rays, games, CDs etc in their cases with me to university and they take up a lot of space!! So, in order to make moving out at the end of the year easier, I have removed all of my discs from their cases and put them into a couple of thise disc holder things. Anyways, here's a quick before and after:


Before:

As you can see, my uni shelves are congested by cases! Half the bottom shelf is made up by books while everything else is mainly DVDs, CDs, blu-rays and PS3 games - the yellow sticky notes remind me of what uni work I need to do and the teddy on top is Dewi :)


After:

 Here is my unmade bed playing host to the empty cases, a case graveyard if you will. Also on the bed you can see my box of tissues (bit of a cold), Didrik (the teddy next to my pillows) and my uni bag. I'm basically rather untidy.


And here is a view from inside my new disc case with some of my blu-rays featured (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse & Changeling) and if you look closely you can make out the keypad on my laptop on the left, and my legs on the right. So now you have an insight into the kind of films I watch and the clothes I wear! 


Of course, there's much more tidying and sorting to be done but I shan't bore you with the details :)
Much love,
Liam x

Apologies!

I can't believe it's been a whole week since I last posted - SO sorry!! Guess uni work gets on top of you, as well as sorting out the general things in life. Not much happened this past week anyway really except for my glasses. On Saturday I had an appointment with an optician because I have problems reading handwritten and typeface notes from a distance so, of course, I assumed there was a problem with my sight.


At the optician's, I discover that my left eye is perfect, sees everything with clear vision but my right eye was "incredibly lazy" - the optician's words, not mine. I assumed it was a general problem so it was weird to find out that one eye is really good but the other refuses to keep up - though they are healthy so that's some consultation, eh? I was prescribed glasses and had to return on Wednesday (today) to pick up my glasses, in frames I chose.

So now I wear glasses! I will have a picture eventually but I'm gonna wait until I've had my hair cut/dyed just so I don't look like a total fool in 'showing off' my new specs! For now, all I will say is that they are slimline, steel, black and half-rimmed (top-half). Oh, and I'm going from red to black in case you were wondering :)

Sorry again for very late update, will behave myself from now on.
Much love,
Liam x

Amserlen

Since before my January exams I have had to email various Aberystwyth departments in order to try and sort out my mess of a timetable. What made the situation worse is that occasionally it would change randomly, sorting out one clash and causing another! I am the only person doing Welsh/International politics in my year and I wouldn't be surprised if I were the only one in the uni at the moment so the departments don't really gel, hence major timetable problems every semester. Sigh.

But today, 8 days into my second semester, my timetable has found a great deal of peace, there are no clashes and only one small hiccup which I can live with. So, here is an insight into my studies:

(For non-Welsh speakers, my Welsh modules are: Cymraeg Llyfr a Chymraeg Llafar - Written Welsh and Spoken Welsh; Gloywi Iaith - Language Improvement; Ysgrifennu Creadigol - Creative Writting and Llên Gwerin - Folk Literature)

Only one 9am, which I'm very pleased with and no clashes. So why am I still moaning? It's the location of these places.

Because I'm nice (and I have this time to waste) I have taken a small map of a bit of Aber to mark important, uni locations for you. Starting top left, marked '20' is Pentre Jane Morgan, right on the peak of Penglais Hill, where I live. It is then a short, couple-of-minutes walk to the buildings marked 4 (Hugh Owen), 5 (Llandinam), 7 (Physics) and 24 (International Politics Building) all of which are where my politics lectures/seminars take place. All the way on the bottom of that map, marked '50', is the Old College where Welsh is taught - on a good day it's about 10/15 minutes walk but depending on weather, mood, etc it can take much longer, plus the walk back up is a killer! 


So the only problem on my timetable is that on Thursdays I have politics in the IPB (24) with less than 10 minutes to get to OC (50) and then back up the hill for politics again in HO (4) in less than 10 minutes. Yes, that's right, the map and timetable and rant were all about this tiny, no-point-in-getting-worked-up-over-it complication on my timetable when, in actual fact, I'm rather happy with it as a whole :)

Thanks so much for putting up with me and well done if you managed to make it this side of my rant!
Liam x   

Ffinneg

Last Sunday I watched a very interesting, Finnish film titled Musta jää (Black Ice) which inspired me to learn Finnish. Luckily, the person I watched the film with is, oddly enough, from Finland and she is more than willing to teach me some of the lingo. The alphabet is fairly simple, especially if you know the Welsh alphabet because many of the sounds are the same and some of the words are fairly simple (providing you know the alphabet of course!) such as moi (hi - pronounced 'mwy' as in Welsh for 'more) and kiitos (thanks - 'key-toss') but then came a list kindly provided by aforementioned Finn.

The list, very basically, is an explanation of various Finnish prepositions. In Finnish it's not enough to simply 'with Liam' but there is a kind of mutation rule in which you add a suffix, 'with Liam' would be 'kanssa Liamin' - it's as if they actually change your name! I couldn't, of course, let her get away with landing this bombshell and so I gave her a small insight into the Welsh mutation system which I'm sure looks as random and nonsense as the Finnish list here does me.

In other news I've treated myself to a bit of online clothes shopping today after receiving a cheque for £222 (woo-hoo!) and I've been emailing the Welsh department at Aberystwyth trying to sort out some timetable issues - this happens every semester. Tomorrow I start both of my new politics modules: International Political Theory Today and Wales & Devolution. Unfortunately, IPTT is at 9am which means I have to get up early :( but I am very much looking forward to starting my first Welsh politics module :)

I'm already having early morning blues!
Liam x

Adolygiad

Exam season has come to an end and I am now left to clear up the mess revision has caused. Literally about half of my floor is taken up with clothes, notes and books. When I revise it kind of takes over so stuff, like laundry, glasses, cups, notes, pens, etc. builds up and remains untouched until after the exam nightmares. My walls and my posters play host to post-its and list upon list upon list of random notes that I had hoped would come in useful, though in the end not many of them did.

This is my notice board where all my notes go, funnily enough. In the middle is my Robert Pattinson calender which was a well-received birthday present from a housemate, on the far left is a Lady Gaga calender which I got for Christmas, also well-received, below that is a fire safety sign that I have to keep in clear view because of the Uni rules, blah blah. On the far right there's a red necklace thing with a Finnish SIM card in the pouch which is commemorative of the Eurovision Song Contest 2007 in Helsinki and next to that is a yellow Plaid Cymru necklace thing which is keeping hold of my Sarah Millican ticket - cannot wait to see her in March! Below those is a really kitsch-y Alice in Wonderland 'Drink Me' bottle which I adore! Surrounding all of these things are my revision notes: Welsh on the left and politics on the right.


European politics revision was pretty simple and straightforward, as simple as EU politics can be anyway. Very luckily the exam asked a question about Europeanization which was the topic of my essay earlier in the year so that came in handy :) Welsh on the other hand could have given me a mental break down. The paper had 100+ questions, all of which had to be answered, and some of the questions made sense as in they actually tested that you're progressing in learning how to use the language, whereas others were just plain ridiculous. Over the course of the semester we were required to have learned 97, fairly uncommon words, some of which I'd never heard of in English, and only use 6 (that's SIX) in the actual exam. As well as that there were idioms, word genders, proverbs, grammar rules and a lot of other anger and vomit inducing topics.


Anyway it's all over now and on Monday I start the second semester with the exact same Welsh modules as last year and two new politics modules, namely Wales & Devolution and International Political Theory Today - fun times!!


Right, gonna get on with profiling myself as best I can, and I can only whole-heartedly apologise for this rant of a post.
Liam x

  

Ysgrifennu creadigol

All my modules for my second year at Aber have been approved and the one I'm most looking forward to is Ysgrifennu creadigol (creative writing) and a major part of this course is to hand in a novelette, collection of poems, collection of poems, scripts, etc and I'm thinking of using the stories here to create a novelette but I don't know if it's interesting enough to turn into a proper novel-type-thing... Obviously one of the problems of using the stuff here is that it's all current really cos I'm still going through the motions or does that just open it up for a sequel? There's an idea!

I've also started to think about what the title of my novelette would be, of course the title would be in Welsh as would the actual story but I've been playing with words like Engill, Nótt/mare as well as their English definitions (Angel, night, though 'Nóttmare' is just the Icelandic nótt + English (night)mare which I thought was clever) so inspiration/ideas there would be nice.

Anyway I am just rambling on, won't even start this course until October but the early bird catches the plot for novelette-thingy or something.

Engill x

The Aber Affair IV

About an hour or so after I discovered Dew's secret and had left him at the Aberystwyth Arts Centre he came to find me, not that I was difficult to find as I was in my room. I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk to him, if I could talk to him without getting any angrier or more upset. "Are you ok?" was the first thing he said and I just stared at him as if to say 'What do you think?' He had picked up on this so he began apologising and telling me he wasn't sure how I'd deal with it but I was still so angry that I recoiled as he approached me which made him stop abruptly. He asked me to give him the chance to explain but I didn't answer. I did want to hear what he'd come up with because then I could decide if this was something I could get over. He told me he comes from a very strong Christian background, his family, his community back home are both highly religious and though they are not 'actively against' homosexuality, they still are 'traditional' when then issue arises. I started to feel guilty and began apologising to him for being so  inconsiderate and selfish, though he didn't accept my apologies. We agreed to stay together and this time I knew exactly why our relationship wouldn't be public and it didn't wholly bother me because I was happy with Dew. We spent the remainder of that night together.

The Christmas holidays were fast approaching and the time Dew & I spent together was increasing even if it was a trip to the library to revise, I secretly loved these little trips because he looked even smarter with a pile of books in front him accompanied by the backdrop of the Hugh Owens Library. The last few weeks of term were great for me because of the time I spent with Dew and every now and then he'd buy me little things which he said would add up to a 'Christmas surprise', we even sent a few more nights together. Pantycelyn were hosting a Christmas dinner so Dew & I decided to go together. From what I can remember of that night (there was a lot of drinking afterwards) there was a lot of alcohol available, lots of very loud people shouting in Welsh and my very disappointing vegetarian Christmas dinner which was basically peas, potato, roast potatoes, carrots and a brie and cranberry pasty (bleurgh!).  After the dinner a lot of people went out including Dew & I, Dew didn't drink but I think I managed to drink for the both of us.

Over the course of the following weekend I didn't see Dew at all so when Monday came and we walked to Welsh lectures together I wasn't expecting what he was about to say. He told me that I had drank way too much during and after the Christmas dinner which he found a little embarrassing, I promplty apologised but he said that wasn't the worst of it. Instead of heading toward the Old College he diverted us to a large park where we sat down to talk. "You talked about him" he said after a lengthy pause. I was totally confused becuase this was the first I knew I had talked abut anyone, though from where the conversation was headed I could make a guess as to who I had talked about... "What is it you love so much about Dima? I mean, you've written stuff about him specifically and not about anyone else and last night you told me and others about how 'amazing' he apparantly is. It's difficult to hear you say stuff like that, talking about another guy. Then I had to spend the night with you to stop you crying over him." My head was bowed down for the duration of that, though I raised my head at the last part as I was unaware he had spent the night with me. "Look, I really want us to work out, but all I'll be able to think about is you spending time with him" He stood up and started pacing about before finally looking at me for answer "I don't know what you want me to do" I finally replied "I mean I can't help it if we live in the same town, if we have the same friends - and regardless of whatever it is I feel for him he is my best friend so of course I'll be spending time with him but you can't seriously see him as a threat - he's straight. Nothing is ever gonna happen, I promise you". Dew sighed, shook his head and continued to pace around. "Avoid him" he said, "What? Didn't you hear what I just said? I can't just avoid him" I stood up now trying to assert myself "If you care for me at all you'll do it."

Dew headed off to the Old College leaving me with a bombshell, still sat in the park on a December morning. The day after I would return to Barry for the Christmas holidays and this would no doubt hang over me.

Engill x

The Aber Affair III

Dew & I were happy, that was all that mattered. We were a proper couple minus the fact it was not public but we spent so much time together in private that I didn't really care that we weren't what some might call a 'normal' couple. It was late November and the university was hosting a Christmas faire and my Christmas-obsessed friend I had met through taking Welsh was adament on going and I said that I'd tag along. I invited Dew out but he said he had already made plans that day with other friends which I didn't have a problem with at all.

It was freezing that day, not that I expected any different on a November's day in West Wales but I headed up campus regardless to meet with the xmas-fan and a couple of other friends. The faire itself was pretty boring, there were stalls everywhere selling very un-Christmassy stuff though I suppose you could categorise them under xmas gifts. On top of that there was nothing very interesting there and it was all over-priced. To top that there was a brass band playing all the old Christmas 'favourites'. In another hall there was a food market, mainly farmers selling winter veg but there were also stalls selling cakes, jam and even ice cream - Furey bought a toffee ice cream, he was clearly  mad as he was only wearing a thin T-shirt and was eating ice cream in freezing conditions!

When going to the third hall of stalls which mainly sold sweets and stationary (who put those together?) I noticed Dew with a group of other people browsing just as we were. I told the people I was with I was just gonna go ahead and browse while they were looking at penguin figurines, which were mega-cute. As I approached him he moved behind a stall which was designated for Aberystwyth University's Christian Union which is when I noticed he was wearing a hoody bearing the emblem. All at once I got confused and I felt shocked and I had to leave. I sat outside for about 10 minutes when the Christian Union congregated outside and started handing out free hot drinks to visitors. Dew spotted me and in an instant I got up from where I was sat and just hurried past him heading back to Pantycelyn.

Not once did I look back and by this time I had grown angry, why had he hidden this from me? It's not like I have a problem with Christianity but this led me to think that perhaps this had something to do with his breaking up with me in the first place. I had to confront him, if anything just to hush the hundreds of questions soaring through my head.

Engill x