So, idiotic things. And they are? Well they can range from very small things to larger things so I'll start from the smaller idiotic things. First off I imagined that Dima just plain disliked me based on the fact that he would go out and I would not be invited, regardless of the fact he was not responsible for the inviting but rather he was invited out so my paranoia was totally unnecessary. Later I'd fall out with one of my girlfriends because I had somehow managed to convince myself that she was seeing Dima in secret regardless of the fact she was in a very closed relationship with another friend. The most idiotic thing though was that I was willing to make things much more complicated than they ever needed to be. Alec, one of my closest friends, knew of my secret and was supportive. Dima already suspected something was going on mainly because I was going to tell him the truth but found myself unable but I had to come up with an answer. I decided to tell him that I had feelings for Alec. Totally untrue but it wouldn't have harmed anyone. Alec and Kai (another friend who knew) thought it was a terrible idea and were not happy for me to do it.
The same night I had decided on my crazy plan I was on msn with Kai and Dima, fully prepared to tell Dima my latest lie. Kai meanwhile was telling me not to do it and that I should tell the truth explaining what had happened before. Kai had only joined the same school as Dima and I in 6th form and so he would not have known about the first time. After this he assured me things would not be the same though I was fully intent on going ahead with my plan. He then told me he has already told Dima my secret. My thoughts started racing and I instantly broke down into tears, I was upset and angry all at the same time and got so overwhelmed I left the conversation mid-flow to be sick. I was far from happy with Kai for this.
On my return to the computer I still went ahead with my plan this time intending to make out Kai was a liar. Dima however confronted me. My heart sank and I was close to being sick again. But he told me not to worry, that he had grown up emotionally now and was able to deal with this, saying that he wouldn't let this ruin our friendship. I was now feeling much more at ease and happy while stupid for underestimating him. Before leaving msn he waited for me to assure him I was ok when usually he wouldn't hang around after declaring he'd leave. To this day I vividly remember that night and the thought makes me happy because it was a clear foundation of our close friendship which of course I am grateful for and am thankful for everyday.
Waw, ending on a lighter note, different, though this is not a happy ending. More soon! Thanks for reading.
Engill
x
No comments:
Post a Comment