First Love

It's never simple is it? This story goes back about 3 years to when I was in year 11, not long before the GCSEs. I had decided to come out but I thought I'd start out by only telling my friends, both of who, thankfully, took it better than I expected. I was more pessimistic than I needed to be. I was and still am very grateful I had two frinds in particular to turn to, two people I could talk to and rely on and I guess this is around the time the founding links of the modern day 'musketeers' (one of the three of us recently deemed us 'the gay musketeers' despite me being the only gay guy) began. Now that I was out I felt more at ease amongst my friends and so I started to open up and my friends did the same in return. I soon realised that I was beginning to like one of my friends as more than a friend.

I felt some kind of great gratitude for the friend I first came out to (again for anonymity purposes he'll be named Dima). My feelings for him kinda exploded one day when I was starting to feel victimised at school by someone for being gay and I left fully intent on going home when Dima came after me. He talked to me and made sure I was ok, convincing me to stay in school and speaking out against the guy who had offended me (the words 'my hero' spring to mind). This was definately more than friendship. For me anyway. He was and is straight but that didn't stop me really caring about him and thinking about him. He'd already proved himself to be a great guy by being a great friend, he was everything. Funny, considerate, really, effortlessly clever, popular and to top it off really attractive. It was clear I had developed feelings for him and I told myslef that I'd have to tell him.

He wasn't too happy about what I had to tell him. I didn't know how to tell him so it ended up coming out like "I really like you, I think I'm attracted to you" Clear and precise, well done me... Dima was clearly not prepared for this news and freaked out in his own little way. For the next month or so he just blanked and avoided me. No doubt he hoped that by doing that I'd move on sooner or later but I didn't. I continued to think about him and long after him, distraught and disheartened by the fact he was being like that. In classes where we sat together he moved away or put others between us, it was a really awful month and I would spend days at a time being so low that I didn't dare face school. 

Just like a first love, this story isn't as simple as it seems either. This part is a bit lengthy so I'm gonna cut it here. Thanks for reading.
Engill
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