Ok, so I left this story off after I'd been dumped (too soon after my birthday) and him telling me he won't see me again "for my own good". The Sunday after the break-up (the next day) I slowly recovered from feeling ill while privately trying to get over my most recent heart-ache. I tried to keep busy, do the laundry, attempt some homework/revision, tidy up but I just ended up sobbing under the covers. I'm not known for my dignity.
It had been just over a week until he started talking to me again, he approached me in the kitchen. We exchanged niceties using words of just one syllable and I made the effort to leave as quickly as possible to hide in the confines of my room. The next morning I left for a lecture, it was early so the halls were quiet and I didn't expect to see many people around yet there he stood. Dew was stood outside my door waiting for me intent on walking me to my lecture so that we could talk. As I did the next several times he waited I told him I didn't want to walk anywhere with him. It went on for a while. He would wait outside my room when we had lectures together, he'd wait outside lecture rooms for me too. It was becoming unbearable and I was about to snap. I couldn't let this go on.
I gave in, after weeks of waiting outside my door and after weeks of rejection, Dew still looked at me hopefully when I left to go to a lecture and I began talking to him. Again just the niceties when he stopped me on the way to the lecture hall. "Look, I can't keep away from you like this" he said looking directly into my eyes, I tried hard not to stare back "I know I wasn't specific when I broke up with you but trust me it is really important to me, it's a big part of my life. So are you - why else would I spend all my time with you and all this time waiting for you?" I just walked on, I didn't want to hear this, I was welling up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back before kissing me and again I just gave in. We were back on and I was somebody's 'dirty little secret'. I was such a secret even I didn't know what I was secret from. The joys of relationships.
This was both one of the high points and low points of uni for me as I had a bf, a really nice guy who actually really cared about me but at the same time he was hiding from something and keeping something from me but of course I never focused on the bad I was just happy to be with him. The only downside I could think of was whether I genuinely like him or whether I was trying to replace my feelings for somebody else...
Engill x
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